By Monica Collins

Advice on Pets, Life, Love

Dear Dog Lady,

I have had my Pomeranian Hercules for nearly eight years. Hercules weighs less than five pounds. I've had my boyfriend, now fiancé, for four years. He claims to love my dog. We take Hercules on lots of activities with us. My fiancé will pick up special treats or food and help pay for boarding or veterinarian visits. He says Herc is "our" dog.

What concerns me, though, is how rough he is with this tiny dog. He will pick him up and flip him around or pet him so hard that the dog growls, snarls, or yipes. My fiancé will also hold onto Herc while the dog is flailing, trying to get away and/or growling to signal his discomfort. Hercules often pees a little in the floor when my fiancé reaches for him and runs away from him. My fiancé says that Hercules only does this for my attention and that when I am not here Hercules will come to him. However, what I am seeing is a man who is far too rough and a dog who is terrified. You would think we would have figured this out by now but treatment of Hercules is still a regular argument. Any advice?

--Sara

Dear Sara,

This dilemma seems to pivot more around your relationship with your fiancé and your need to speak up for yourself. You must show your muscle on Hercules' behalf about the care of the little dog. The Pomeranian was yours before the fiancé came into your life. You have stewardship of your pet. So, exert your authority. You have every right to demand your fiancé stop tossing the dog around and, obviously, scaring the animal. What is this performance all about? Dog Lady is not a trained psychologist but there may be some jealousy issues involved.

Your concern should be your relationship with your man and how these issues with Hercules reflect deeper divides between the two of you. If a discussion about treatment of the dog with your fiancé devolves into blame and defensiveness, you might want to broaden the conversation into the future for the two of you. The way a man treats a little dog says much about him.

Dear Dog Lady,

The other day, I was sitting at Starbucks and overheard a woman urging her friend to "walk your inner dog." That got me thinking. Do all of us have inner dogs? If so, what are they telling us?

--Betsy

Dear Besty,

Naturally, we all have inner dogs. (C'mon what else would Dog Lady say?) These inner dogs tell us to finish everything in our bowl, sniff out possibilities, leap at the moment, and leave our mark all over the world. To "walk your inner dog" means to step out into the world confidently and happily, although "unleash your inner dog" sounds a more exultant note. And this reminds Dog Lady to wish "Happy New Year" to all dear readers.

Dear Dog Lady,

I recently inherited my son's dog, Jasmine, when he passed away. The dog and I have lived together for a year. She is a great dog, gentle, kind obedient. She is a mixed breed, mainly pointer, about 40-pounds. My problem is she is horrible to travel with. She jumps in the car all excited to go. But the minute the car moves, she is a wreck. She won't sit still for one second. Eventually she will settle down but she's no fun. I love this dog. I'm also retired and like to travel and take her with me. Any suggestions?

--Ollie

Dear Ollie,

Please remember our dogs are not robots. As long as they are not biting, certain aspects of their behavior will always annoy us, vex us, and confuse us. Jasmine's wonderful qualities outweigh her auto antsy-ness. We're used to those happy pictures of dogs riding in cars with their noses out the window and their ears flapping in the wind. But some dogs hate riding in cars. It's a miserable experience for them and dear Jasmine sounds like she's part of this auto-averse crowd. Dog Lady's dog went through a spell when he panted and drooled in the back seat while riding in the car. Now he basically surrenders to the experience and sleeps on a long car ride.

Have you tried giving Jasmine a chew toy as a distraction when she first jumps into the car at the beginning of a trip? Or how about buying a canine car restraint (available in dog catalogues such as inthecompanyofdogs.com) so she doesn't bother you while you drive? After all, she does calm down eventually. With enough road-riding, Jasmine could become your dog co-pilot.

Please go to lexmedia.org/ondemand to see all episodes of the "Ask Dog Lady" TV show; send questions to askdoglady@gmail.com.